Today's guest columnist is the The Chambermaid, protagonist of Ladykiller — the hilariously sinister comedy from The Thelmas that has consistently been one of our Top 25 shows at Edfringe 2018. Follow her advice if you dare...

“Dear Chambermaid,
I just got disinvited to a friend’s baby shower (don’t ask why). What’s an appropriate response?”

— #IHateBabies

Send my gift anyway... Why should the child suffer for the parents’ pettiness?

“Dear Chambermaid,
I’m not saying it’s a conspiracy but they never, ever take my flyers. Why??? ”

— #OnTheEdge

Because your show looks like trauma porn... as do you. Get a trigger warning.

“Dear Chambermaid,
What’s the best way to get (fake!) blood out of your hair? ”

— #NeedToKnow

The same as the real kind I imagine.

“Dear Chambermaid,
I keep getting mobbed by those Silent Disco f*@&#. What can I do about them? ”

— #DontWannaRockDJ

At a Silent Disco, no one can hear you scream....

“Dear Chambermaid,
Just saw your show and realised I may have (definitely) been slightly (very) rude to a shop assistant last week. How do I make amends? ”

— #ImScared

You can catch Ladykiller at the Pleasance Courtyard until August 27. Tickets here.